The need to be accepted

Forward (beo)This is a draft chapter from excerpts of my book, “Between God…..” I choose to leave the rest of the title blank until the entire body of work has been completed.

I write from the perspective of my experiences with the prayer and expectation that through my identification of my own inner struggles, and thought process and behaviors that someone can be released. What’s more important is that if you see something you can identify within your own personal situation; glean knowledge and ask for assistance from the Almighty, and prayerfully your season of struggle will be short because of spiritual understanding surrounding your situation.

Cultures vary across nations and within individual sects. However, one thing is apparent throughout any culture; and that is the majority of people within that culture strive to be accepted. Western social construct typically emphasizes individualism while Eastern social constructs strives towards group membership. Basically Westerners seek autonomy and look inward (inside themselves) while Eastern Social constructs seek to adhere within the group. An example of this would be that the group concerns would be first and foremost rather than the individual’s desire.

There are many theories when one speaks of societal impact upon a person’s personality; dissonance, peer pressure, implicit and explicit attitudes, pro-social behaviors, aggression, prejudice; it would appear the theories are endless. Yet I think we all realize that there is a desire to fit within a certain circle within our society particularly within Western cultures. It would almost appear paradoxical for ‘we’ approve individualistic natures; yet at the same time when one doesn’t adhere to the actions of the pack, then they are typically condoned. Or if one goes against the nature or thought process of the pack, that person is often pressured to adhere or eventually put outside the pack. For the terms of this component we will identify the pack as circle for so many identify with the terms ‘circle’ or ‘inner-circle’. Mind you whatever term is identified or used, more often than not certain behaviors are associated with the social constructs.

I am appreciative of the season that God has been allowing me to walk in as of late. Each test, trial and situation is bringing me to places of importance that I might share with others. Whether we understand it or not…we are all on a life journey and we all need as much assistance as possible. With that said, I am grateful that this particular chapter is written for THIS season of my life. At the beginning of July, I spent a bit of time in Florida with two of my favorite people in the world; Sean and Debbie Cort. The time spent with them was wonderful. Words can not describe all the information gleaned, given, shared and expounded within that short time period. I believe that as our journeys continue to cross paths, that that same information will explode and grow beyond the depths of our own finite understanding. God has a sense of humor because there were days that information seemed to leap out at us, while other days we had to dig for understanding. There were moments of pause out of wonder and other moments of pure praise and worship and nightly prayer often shifted the reality of where we were in the natural into a transition in the spirit. This experience I realize will be duplicated; it was the initial beginning of a process that will be continued. Too often each of us struggle within our inner circles never migrating outward to seek out understanding and assemble additional knowledge for our life journey. God gave word to me that when I am in bereft places and need knowledge and solitude then I am to go to where Sean and Debbie are; hence, Sean that house is coming because I need a place to lay my head in rest when the ministry becomes too much to handle. When I’ve pulled off situations, spirits and recessed dark places off other folk and can not find my way to the surface of understanding of that moment.

Today is Monday, August 03, 2009 and it is with clear understanding as to why this chapter needed to be written. No one else can write it for me, but prayerfully can identify with me. I was in conversation on yesterday morning with a friend of mine and was told that I needed to take responsibility for my own actions. This is something, I was taught all my life, but when it comes to certain areas of my life, I am just beginning to realize that often I regress and forget this concept. He is a very wise man and I am appreciative of his role in my life. So as I was riding this morning at dawn (this is my prayer time) I began to think upon some of the things he and I discussed. The Lord began to take me back to my youth which I have been doing as of late and I came to a conclusion about my life.

There are many theories of transitioning from childhood to adolescence like Piaget and Freud; but there is a specific psychological construct that speaks to identity and or role confusion and diffusion by Erik Erikson.

{The search for a personal identity also includes the formation of a personal ideology or a philosophy of life that can serve to orient the individual. Such a perspective aids in making choices and guiding behavior. A personal identity influences the adolescent for the rest of their life. If the adolescent bows out and adopts someone else' identity or ideology, it is often less satisfactory than developing their own. The adopted ideology rarely becomes personal and can lead to foreclosure in adolescent development.

The positive outcome of the identity crisis is dependent on the young person's willingness to accept his past and establish continuity with their previous experiences. The adolescent must find an answer to the question: "Who Am I?" Other questions that must be answered include: "Where am I going?" "Who am I to become?" There must be a commitment to a system of values - religious beliefs, vocational goals, a philosophy of life, and an acceptance of one's sexuality. Only through the achievement of these aspects of ego-identity can it be possible for the adolescent to move into "adult maturity," achieve intimacy of sexual and affectional love, establish deep friendships, and achieve personal self-abandon without fear of loss of ego-identity (Muuss, 1975, p.66). }Footnote # 1

Basically the two paragraphs above are stating that children must make the proper transition into adulthood with clear understanding of their life circumstances without suffering an identity crisis. All behaviors and situations have to be categorized properly, or there is a possibility of a disconnect of emotions and or healthy behaviors within the child if a traumatic situation arises that the child must internally process.

My friend BM and I were talking about how society on a whole feels the need to be accepted and identified within a circle. Each of us desires to be loved, but so many are not willing to work for the love and that level of transparency in relationships that gives equal opportunity to both people. Marriage is a commitment and takes work of both partners. I have been married before and as I look back it is with understanding that the commitment level of both people was not equal. I am not one to run away from relationships, whether in marriage or in friendship, but there comes a time when dysfunction and I can not co-exist; boundaries must be set and if the situation has not changed and I am given permission, I’m out. Please be aware this component comes after much praying, fasting, understanding and lying prostrate before the Almighty. My strength is situated in Him.

The most recent traumatic event in my life was my impending marriage of July 2009; but only one of us was walking in the position of true commitment. One of us made choices that put the other person in a place of not being able to make preferable healthy choices. Thus here I stand, grateful that God has shifted my season once again and has allowed me to become whole, sane and clearly focused for the next phase of my life. I am now just beginning to understand that I dislike it when situations and or people take my choices away from me. There is something powerful about being able to make a choice. The reality is most of us don’t always make the proper and or healthy choice. More often than not the choice is based upon emotions rather than a mindset. Even in our relationship with God, He gives us a choice. Joshua 24:15 speaks of a choice to follow after the one true God….but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Making choices allows us ownership and prayerfully participation in the consequences. Many times if the situation/circumstances is more than our mental mind can handle, we check out emotionally and mentally creating a domino effect of unpleasant choices.

A few weeks ago while reflecting I began to link some of my current situations and understandings. It became quite clear the two normal, non-dysfunctional relationships growing up with men were with my grandfathers. Following that process, I began to understand that the majority of the other relationships were dysfunctional; and it appeared they were always taking from me rather than giving to me. This was powerful. I could now attribute, link, reflect, dissect and reconstruct to understand some of my life decisions. Both grandfathers were loving, kind and left me a legacy and code to live by. Yet I now know they could not protect me from life and the circumstances I would encounter. I was able to enjoy both of them until I turned 30 when the Lord saw fit to remove them both from me within a year of each other. It was a difficult period in my life.

Even now there are moments that become overwhelming when I think of my loss. There was a connection between us that is indescribable. To top that off, the two of them were best friends. I don't believe most people were aware of the depth of their friendship. When my maternal grandfather was sick and in the nursing home, my paternal grandfather would visit him regularly. In fact when my maternal grandfather passed away, it was my paternal grandfather who was sent to give me the news. Our state council meeting was going on and I received word my grandfather wanted to speak to me. As he sat me down, he placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me the news. As I began to cry, he said, "Belinda, we all must die at some point in our lives. Even I have to go eventually". My response to him was, "Grandaddy I understand that, but that does not make it any easier". Unbeknownst to me then, he was sick and was trying to warn me of his upcoming demise.

I don’t think either foresaw all I would go through before and after they were gone. However, my paternal grandfather did prepare me with a few words of wisdom before he departed. So I am honored that he prepped me before he left this earth. We spent many of conversations before his death, for I was home with my second son Josh, while he recuperated from his illness. I give you that glimpse of my relationship with the two of them so you might understand the level of my loss. As I reflect back, I believe he was aware of some of my impending circumstances. He was a Man of God who discerned many a situations. He believed in protecting and exposing his family all at the same time. He protected us when necessary and just as swiftly when we were wrong he executed judgment.

I don’t think I ever shared with him that fateful night when a relative made a choice for me. His (my cousin) selfishness opened up many doors in my life that more often than not left me struggling to hold on. Don’t get it twisted. I am a fighter, a survivor, but as I stated my strength comes from above. Yet I realize that so many of my decisions should have produced a different outcome. On the other hand, it is with understanding that my life is in the hands of the Master and I am a living example of His love and grace. I must remain transparent that others through my test and trials will be able to survive. I remember a few years ago calling one of my friends to tell him that because I was coming out of my tests and trials, the same would follow for him. That person was Elder Sean Cort and needless to say, he was not as excited as I was, but that was ok because God had given me revelation and I was running with it. It was then He was teaching me that often I would be the forerunner for the deliverance of others.

A situation recently culminated this whole understanding of how the need to be accepted often drives many of us into certain situations we would avoid at all cost. There is a level of co-dependency; the dominant person in the relationship creates the atmosphere of the relationship; while the submissive person follows. This might be construed in many ways, but for the moment I am referring to dysfunctional relationships. First I began to understand that most of the men in my life disappointed me on so many levels from my father to my children’s father to my fiancée as well as others. Please understand not all of my relationships were dysfunctional for I have many close friends who have been there for me; I am not speaking of them, but the vital relationships that are important; those that surround my children and myself. Over the past eight years when there was lack; God sent provision. The peering into my childhood allowed some insight and it was if a light bulb went off in my head. Then I began to remember how many of my cousins assisted in additional dysfunction by taunting me about my looks and weight. It is with understanding now, I realize they were mean and vicious and clearly had their own personal struggles going on. Hurting people hurt other people whether it is intended or not. The only time in my life when I was small was around age six. There was a picture of a skinny little thing: and it was me. After that, I was short and stocky until around 19. I was the last developing female in my circle. It probably didn’t help that I was a tomboy and hung with the guys and perferred to hang with the guys. Well one young cousin mentioned I had no shape. Oh Lord, that suggestion has been ringing in my head for years. I took her thought process and made it my own and took ownership of it. So in spite of what everyone saw on my outward appearance, within I saw something different. Oh, I could play off the confidence like nobody’s business and had a whole lot of folk thinking I had it together. That was then, this is now. Now I understand who I am and who I belong to and have begun to walk in my proper position.

Ok, I can hear some of you now, stating that is crazy to hold onto another's thought process all these years. Why didn’t you ignore the comment? Remember this is about the need to be accepted. Staying and making decisions in the circle and attempting everything in one’s power not to be ostracized. Here’s another powerful concept; this need was now translated into my dating and relationship stage. Remember Erikson’s theory, one must transition dealing with life situations as an adolescent and must adhere to manage the changeover to adulthood.

My children are important to me and I value their presence in my life; but I have to be honest my marriage was living hell. It consisted of dysfunction on so many levels. It is by my God’s goodness and grace that I stand in my right mind and am not in an insane asylum nor in jail. I have watched the ex-factor exact abuse at me in front of my father without the proper response from my father. I now wonder was this a level of acceptance on my father’s part; his desire to keep a peace which clearly didn’t exist. I will not take ownership of his nor the ex’s behavior, but I will take ownership of my own and will no longer accept dysfunction.

The situation that arose recently assisted in my understanding that clearly and inherently whether I was willing to admit it or not, I want to be accepted. Not on all levels, but it is clear there are issues surrounding certain types of relationships; and these relationship constructs. I am often deemed the rebel, but trust me now I do have a cause. As a teenager, I was a handful, often terrorizing many with my quick wit, and my sharp and vicious tongue. There are scriptures that speak to guarding one’s mouth and that the tongue is a weapon that can cause destruction. Luke 6:45 tells us that out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. One of my mentors mentioned to be about my behavior of my youth and for me to go back and assess what had happened to me to cause a pleasant child to transition into a hellion on two feet. At this moment I can only surmise on certain understandings and am still asking God for revelation. I have however, placed a watch over my mouth and am very careful in how I respond. Mind you the quick wit and tongue are still in my possession, but God's gift of transformation has assisted me in balancing many thought processes in regards to my response. Oh but every once in a while, we still need Jesus for a quick touch (lol).

The component I do understand is my relative started this process; but I am putting an end to it. So for every moment the enemy thought he had me, I stand to let him know he does not. I will not seek the need to be accepted in relationships at my own destruction. I now understand that many of the choices of behaviors surrounding me growing up and within my marriage and dating relationships were the behaviors of the person in that particular action and they need to take ownership of said behaviors. I am not a product of dysfunction and I am responsible for me and what and who I choose to let into my circle. Healthiness is attracted to healthiness and seeks out the same. While dysfunction seeks healthiness but can not maintain its status quo.

Psychology is the study of the mind, but God created the mind. When we desire wholeness and seek His face and after His righteousness things began to fall into place and He allows us to understand where we are in our current season and will send us direction in coming out of our dysfunction. I no longer want to be accepted by those that are not in the same path/circle as those that are striving for God and will make proper choices. I will continue to seek after my God’s face with the expectation of reaching higher heights and deeper depths within His presence.

Matthew6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Chapter dedicated to Sean and Deborah Cort and BM
Jireh’s Promise
Copyrighted 2009
Please do not post without permission

References
Aronson, Wilson, Akert. (2007). Social Psychology (6th Edition). New Jersey, Pearson/Prentice Hall
http://www.psyking.net/id183.htm retrieved 8/3/09

The eye of the beholder

Some of my friends have dubbed me the ‘fine’ preacher. I find that interesting because when I look in the mirror that’s not what I see. I do see the face of a light skinned sister who has struggled with her identity for years because of the names that she was called down through the years. It ranges from: yellow, to tweetie bird, to house Negro, to redbone to fat/ chubby, and one of my favs, “Oh, you’re a big girl” and the list goes on. It’s interesting because each of us sees something different when we look at our individual mirrors. It would appear at times based on how variations of style, dress and what-not; that many do not look in the mirror at all. Some of us struggle with self esteem concerns while others have an internal concept of beauty that must be shared with the world, whether the world likes it or not. To put it in a nutshell, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. This is an interesting concept to say the least because based on psychological terms it could be construed as an inward concept if the person is beholding themselves in a mirror. Or it could be outward because an external perception is being assessed by someone other than the object of beauty. Yet throughout all of these concepts, theories and possibilities there is one who stands above the rest and that is God. If He is the creator, the one who designed beauty, form and function; what is His concept when He sees us? What is His definition of beauty as He beholds us?

In my quest for knowledge and understanding surrounding mankind’s thought process and my struggle to understand why ‘we’ do what we do and why ‘we’ think the way we think I have taken a college level class in Social Psychology. I believe in God and His creation and realize that He gives us instruction on every area of our lives. However, I also believe that it is His intention that we continue to seek out knowledge to assist us on our life journey and when much is given, much is required. Growing up, my mind seemed to work a bit differently than my peers. I was always watching, assessing and analyzing. In actuality I thought I was strange, different and weird. I was an introvert who learned to be an extrovert when necessary. I often felt alone, even when I was in a crowd of people or at a party or function with countless friends; I still felt lonely, bereft and by myself. Often I would hang out in my room at home finding something funny and cracking up all by myself; my mother would poke her head around the door, turn around and leave. My sense of humor was weird and quite witty. That clearly has translated into who I am today. Often my friends call me the instigator and know when I pop up on the scene; “B got something to say”. However, in all my laughter, cracking jokes and silliness it is never my intention to willingly hurt anyone. Job was going through some trying times in his life. God had allowed satan to buffet him and man was he going through. Yet in Job 8:21 it gives strength to joy in the form of laughter; one of his friends was trying to encourage him….”He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy”.

It is with clear understanding that now I understand the loneliness component was given by God; I am to stay in His face, only He can fill those empty spots that were created by Him to be filled by Him. No one else can come close to sustaining that void. Now that I am ‘grown’ it is with understanding on my life quest that I began to understand just a little bit about life. But, I realized that the more knowledge I glean it is clear that I actually know very little; and through this process I found a fit with my mind and the studying of psychology; and all my different thoughts fit into many theories and concepts that were written, studied and shared within the psychological community. Eureka! Please understand God is always my first basis; and the scriptures assist us on every level of our lives; and psychology gives us some theories to behold. Not all theories are concrete for many are abstract and cannot be pinned down….ahhh…but I’m an abstract thinker. My instructions are to make you think; and is you seek to know, I know God will provide the answer. So prayerfully what is given in this chapter will begin a thought process to assist you about beauty and the ‘eye of the beholder’.

The following is a description from my Social Psych class. Throughout all of my classes it is my desire to take the text book information and clarify the process so that anyone can understand it. So often researchers write above lay people when it comes to knowledge components; hence I like to break it down so it is palatable to the taste.

Social science is the basis of study of actions, thought processes and behaviors that are influenced by other people. “It is rooted in the study of individuals with an emphasis on internal psychological processes.” It may also include how we perceive each other or how others view us (in our minds). Within this concept each of us may have difficulty in separating out our opinions, our beliefs and our values. Within the research of social science, “scientists may study and gauge our reactions, assumptions and ideas about human social behavior empirically and systematically”. They do this rather than taking society’s word for a situation or set of ethics that maybe culturally biased. Opinions of ancestors and folklore are rarely taken into consideration. (beo, Charter Oak, Spring PSY 321)

There is another theory called Social Comparison Theory. Basically it states we learn about ourselves based on what others think of us. We look to others to define our abilities and attitudes. This is interesting because in no way does it state to look to the one who created us (God). In addition when speaking of theories; if one were to add dissonance into the equation that would be an additional behavior that deems that when one is not comfortable with what is going on; they adapt or change their behavior based upon the immediate situation. My word this sounds like mumbo jumbo. I can hear some of the older generations now, “just stick to the word”. I agree, the word is our most powerful construct of information for it is living and discerns; but dealing with other theories, prayerfully gives us a glimpse of what we need to survive in today’s society; for much has changed. The word has not changed, but society has. We no longer live in a world that has jobs surrounded by factory workers. People’s minds are quicker and they process information at a different rate than ever before. We have become masters at multi-tasking in theory. In reality multi-tasking doesn’t truly exist; we just move from one task to another and revert back and forth among the current tasks. As we age due to physical body constraints, most of us lose that ability keep working tasks in order.

Studies have been done to prove what is attractable to the masses. Certain nose types are preferable as well as mouth, cheeks, and foreheads. We now live in an age when one is not happy with a body part; technology gives us options through liposuction, body reconstruction and plastic surgery. Few if any consult the Master Constructor to see if He approves, not understanding we were each given what He wanted us to have. We have become a mass of people that seek to be like each other in dress, looks and abilities. Remember we are talking about social psychology and the Social Comparison Theory and the ‘eye of the beholder’.

As much as we talk about other cultures and how race, class and socio-economic status separates people within a culture; the same applies to the Western Culture. The same actually applies to race to race. As I stated earlier I was called quite a few names growing up. Most words pegged to me actually had more to do with my complexion than anything else. Of course, as I grew older, quite often the names changed and assumptions were made. I did not realize that there was a war between the sisters of my race. My family contains a rainbow of colors and most of our friends were from a variety of cultures and races. Therefore, in my mind no one exceeded the other. Yet living in the real world, the components are always different. I struggled in elementary school because of my long hair, light skin and proper speech. I remember one girl putting tacks on my chairs and being exposed to inappropriate behavior exacted by her. I never did learn why she disliked me so, I can only surmise at this point in my life. However, it did become clear a lot had to do again with complexion. It was as if people did not take time to learn what was on the inside but only viewed the outer house.

I remember one evening a couple of years ago; a friend invited me to a NAACP dinner. Mind you he called me at the last minute which gave me very little time to prepare. I love attending the NAACP Annual dinners, so trust me I met him at the hotel where the dinner was being held on time. I was looking forward to an inspiring evening with my fellow brothers and sisters of common ground. As we entered the lobby of the hotel together it was as if quite a few eyes were watching. Now that I think about it quite a few of the sisters probably thought I was white so some thought processes might have been, “there goes another of our brothers who sold out”. Some of the brothers had a different thought process in mind; a trophy. One man I dated, a psychologist, I had to continually remind him I was not a trophy. This preconceived notion is one of bias and I understand beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but my thought process was and continues to be that there is more substance to me than anything. I am in position to realize I am more spirit than flesh, and all that you see of my outward housing is the magnitude of who and what God says I am.

At another NAACP Annual Dinner, this time dateless; I had the opportunity to experience another type of predisposed notion. This time the experience was sister on sister. I have a pair of black and pink pumps. They are tight! I have received compliments from male and female alike when I wear them. I remember as I approached the restroom during the special event; two sisters who happened not to be as light as I am were coming out of the door. Both looked me up and down, laid eyes on my shoes and gave me a dismissive look. Within my spirit I knew they loved the shoes, but because our culture and social influence neither said a word to me. These behaviors bother me. How can we ask others to perceive us a certain way if we can’t manage the behaviors among ourselves. I cannot change my outward appearance, however, prayerfully I can help assist in some of the injustices that are heaped among many because their beauty is not the typical perceived beauty. I remember a conversation a childhood friend and I had a couple of years ago. She thought my life growing up had been easier because of my complexion. I was like, “girl no. It’s been hell”; I’ve been through what you’ve been through, but just on the other side. Prayerfully we can learn to assist in healing our wayward thought process of beauty. We all must do our part. I make a note of telling little girls to young women to women in general of their beauty; light, dark, brown, yellow. If she has on an outfit or shoes that I think are hot, I make a point to say it. I will not walk by drinking haterade. We must learn to celebrate who we are. Take the power away from the enemy and build people up; tearing down is his job.

For so long, beauty has taught us to seek after things that are not after God’s heart. Society has taught us the beauty is in your possessions. Beauty is equated to sex, to cars, to people and homes. Beauty is flaunted everywhere; but is it true beauty? My first semester back in school, I had to do a research paper and I chose to write about the media and its influence on teens. As I began my research I came across a concept called the ‘thin ideal body image’. Basically there is a concept that thin is the perfect ideal body size; and the media uses the ‘thin ideal’ to push teens into certain thought process. Teens are pressed to think that thin is in and being larger is out. This in turn hypes of sales of certain types of clothes, cell phones and other items that teens purchase. I looked at certain body types and certain ethnicities to validate this concept. Mind you the two do not match, yet the media continues to propagate this. It’s all about the sales! Unbelievable isn’t it? It was astounding how many young people persuaded their parents to allow them to change breast size, increase buttocks, change nose, mouths and other types of surgery to alter their persona. How many times have you seen a certain type of car and cuddled up close is a sexy model? The thought process is that if you buy that car, the action gives you access to sex or someone sexy. Sex sells. Hotness sells. Remember we are gauging our perceptions based on our peers and how beauty is perceived within the world/the beholder.

It’s interesting how in Isaiah 53:2 it speaks the prophetic word of Christ: He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. It would appear there was simplicity about Christ, meaning that his physical appearance was not the defining factor on his person. Yet there is a contrast in Psalms 27:4 where it speaks to the beauty of the Lord: One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. Esther was prepped for one year before she was brought before the king (Esther 2:12 Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics). Cleary the word gives value to beauty. It is God who created man in his image and throughout the Old Testament there were attractive people.

However, in today’s society beauty has escalated to a point where it is sought from the outward rather than the inward and in Proverbs 31 we are told that beauty is fleeting. Which means it will not last forever and in the same context we are told that a woman who fears the Lord…well she is to be praised. Basically we need to begin to seek for the understanding concept of beauty within the inward components of our heart. This can only be accompanied by our relationship with God. The concept that beauty is skin deep is correct; for it is fleeting, outward and if one were to actually peel back the layers of skin what is underneath; cells, blood vessel, canals, bone and cartilage. Amazing isn’t it? What we perceive is only a housing of our spirits. The word states that flesh and blood shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Blood offers a stench in God’s nostrils without a sacrifice. Imagine standing before Him only in our spirit, looking into His piercing eyes giving an account of every deed that we have done. Now that would be the time that one would imagine that they could explain their desires of instant gratification, search for beauty and complications of their sinful life.

I cannot change the masses thought process of how they perceive beauty or even their intense quest to acquire possessions and or situations based on beauty. However, I can continue to seek after God’s heart for my own understanding of beauty. I realize that often when walking through the stores, malls or on the streets, that as people follow me with their eyes, many stare with a puzzled look upon their face as if to say what is different about her. My prayer is that they are seeing the beauty from within rather than the beauty that is without for I realize that my beauty is contained within the eyes of my beholder and that is MY KING!

Psalms 27
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

Jireh’s Promise
Copyrighted 2009
Please do not post without permission

The enemy is real

As Ruth sank heavily into her chair a strong feeling of despondency came over her. A quick nudge of thought came to mind I should take my life. Yes that would help the situation. As soon as the thought entered she dispelled it with "cast all your cares upon me" and just as quickly Lord Jesus help me! Unnoticeable to her in the corner was a small shadow quickly fleeing through the wall to the outside. Outside of Ruth's apartment a meeting was being held unbeknownst to her. Meetings similar to this one that have been taken place for centuries always determining the next course of attack to take. In attendance was: fear and depression, suicide was standing to the side ready willing and able.

The above sounds like some story written in a fiction book. Unfortunately the majority of the times it is all too real. Even as people steeped in the belief in an Almighty God who controls the earth, we tend to leave out the other half of the spiritual battle. Oh yes we lightly talk about satan and his minions but do we really believe in some of the aspects of his warfare. Do we really understand his hatred of us and his imment desire to destroy us for all eternity. As we walk our spiritual walk can we grasp that a lot of what is going on in our lives is direct influence from satan himself. The scripture states that no weapon formed against us shall prosper – that God will ultimately quicken and keep us from anything. Here's a thought-provoking question: How many times do you quote that scripture after you just allowed satan a foothold in your life? The foothold could be anything: a thought, a quick word of setting someone straight, a desire that is unfilling to your spirit. Are our motives always pure and resting in the Word of God. Do we ask for His instruction prior to commiting many of the actions that we commit?

Ruth in this scenario is saved, however she allowed some openings in her life and satan sent some of his demons to begin work on her spirit. How many times have you felt so bound that you could not get a praise through or felt as if the weight of the world was on your shoulders? Or you felt that certain situations in your life were out of your control and you've gone to the Master but yet something still didn't feel right. Some of us have brought "issues" over into our saved life. Rather than us commanding the "issue" to be gone, it commands us to stay. We feel bound but feel that there is no escape. The devil has been around a long time and is the arch deceiver. He is the father of all lies. He deceived Eve and has continued to plague mankind ever since. God gives us choices in all that we do. We are allowed a choice to serve Him or satan. Sometimes we are bound because the devil deceives us into thinking we will not be free and we begin to think that the bare minimum is acceptable to God. I'll praise Him when I feel like it –tonight I'm tired. That is not enough! God wants all of you, every aspect of your thought process, your thinking capabilities, your mind, your spirit – EVERYTHING! He is a jealous God. He wants a sincere, pure unrestricted relationship with YOU!

If you are bound, you can be free. Christ came to set all mankind free. The choice is in your hands. Satan will trick you into thinking that you will not be free. The bible states, He who the Son has set free is free indeed. Christ has the keys to all that goes on in your life. Allow Him to set the standards for you. Talk to Him, tell him you want freedom from all the devil influences in your life. He will hear you! Part of our deliverance is the desire to be free from certain things. We must first admit that there's a problem just as we came to Christ acknowledging our sins. Once we admit and acknowledge; we begin our deliverance process. Know that God loves you and wants you to rest in His bosom. All He asks is that you submit your life to Him. We bind satan and all his works in Jesus Name!

3/29/00

2:20 PM

Love Shoulda brought you Home was a popular song sung by Toni Braxton in 1992. It coincided with the line from the 1992 movie “Boomerang” starring Eddie Murphy and Halle Berry. The premise of the song/movie denotes a relationship where things go awry. The understanding should be that if you love me there are certain constructs that define love to keep the relationship sound and whole. To break it down for you– actions speak louder than words.

A good friend of mine was in a relationship last year with a man that she said she was in love with. According to her the man is the bomb. She thinks this man is intelligent, articulate, kind and humble. He makes her laugh, but most of all understands her and who she is. Yet one day the calls stopped coming and he went into hiding. My friend was devastated. There was no closure to the relationship and no explanation for his actions. A few months ago, this man contacted her, apologized and asked for another chance. Her reaction to me regarding his request,” you gotta be kiddin’ me”.

As she reflected back on their relationship she realized she knows this man and all that he struggles with in regards to trying to make it in this world. She has seen his high points and his low points and understands him. As she struggled with the process of whether to talk to him or not, she learned who better to assist him to reach the next season in his life. {Sidebar - after all, isn’t that how God designed his beautiful construct woman- the helpmeet to a man? From the beginning it was God’s intention for woman to help the man.} Mind you is it quite clear in her mind that he may walk away again, but it is with understanding that she allows herself to be vulnerable before him. She said to me “who will believe in him if I don’t”? Personally, sometimes I wonder about her and her actions and how she proceeds in her life walk. But I will not judge her. I will say this much, she truly is walking by faith, standing in position and expecting God to work things out in her relationship.

Now to my point…..lol

As I began to reflect upon my friend’s relationship with her man, I began to think about what God expects from us; and that line “Love Shoulda brought you home” started pounding in my head. God set in motion a thought process; and I started to compare my friend’s situation and parallel it to our relationship with Him. He constantly and continually puts Himself out there for us. He seeks after us and pulls on our heart strings; searching for a lover. (Rev. 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.) A key component in that scripture states if we hear His voice. So many of us do hear but neglect the voice and make choices to push the relationship with God away. Often our thought process is, God I’ll get back to you later… at a more convenient time, knowing that to answer that knock - it will mean we can no longer do things “OUR WAY”.

I named this blog “Hearing from the Father” for a reason. Many times He is speaking to us, wanting that intimate relationship that is awesome. When I say pause, I mean stop a moment in what you are doing to listen. See if you can hear Him and what His design is for YOUR life. So often He is waiting in the wings to comfort you in your daily journey. Yes is He is a God of correction, but He is also a God of love. Too often we want to live our life our way. A way that is destructive; and for many of us it borders a thin line of insanity. Anytime you continually do things a certain way and expect a different outcome – that is INSANE. Why not try things His way?

God allows us to make choices, hence our free will. Understand that there are prices to pay for that free will, but free will it is. Or is it really? Take a moment to think about that. If you walk out the door today knowing that death is imminent for you; would you leave the house? Or would you choose to stay in for the day, knowing that when tomorrow comes the season of death had passed for you. Ultimately our lives operate in the same fashion. We have seasons of planting and seasons of reaping. Why continually and deliberately sow to the flesh being made aware that the season of reaping determines death. Is it really that hard to live for God?

God loves us enough to send His son to die for our sins. He gives us a choice of eternal death or life; and how we live our life now determines our hereafter. Why continue to make choices that lead to destruction? The next time God comes knocking in that still voice, pause for a moment and think about it; and make a mental note to yourself and say “Self - He is seeking for me”. Will you ignore Him? It’s like my friend’s relationship the first time around, she was there and waiting for that call that never came. That man’s actions spoke louder than his words. But today God says, “If you love me you’ll keep my commandments and LOVE SHOULD BRING YOU HOME”.

Peace and blessings,

B

August 10, 2008 – 6:34 AM

Reflection of Seasons

God has put me in a place where lately I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. Not to say I’ve not been reflecting prior to this time; this season is just a bit different. Over seven years ago a situation forever changed the lives of my children and mine. Mind you, remnants of issues were already in place prior to the seven years. Let’s just say things came to light like never before. Issues were uncovered and my entire life as I knew it blew up. My life was no longer the same. God put me in a place where I was forced to come to terms with issues, drama and demons. I had to make some drastic decisions. The funny thing was I thought I wasn’t prepared, yet as time went on, I realize that God put me in the place so I could be released. So I could spiritually increase. So, as the anniversary approaches it is with reflection, desire for increased knowledge and direction that I assess the situation.

In the sum total of all things, I’ve come to the conclusion that people overall (there are exceptions to the rule - some who truly care) really don’t want to know about your life, the problems, the issues, what you’ve been through, where you’ve been– but sweetie I don’t look like what I’ve been through! YOU receive no Glory – it all belongs to God! As the situation unfolded, God let me know that when I came through this process: He would get the Glory. He placed a small band of people around me that would provide in various ways. I shall forever me grateful to them and I love them. They covered me in prayer, provided a home and gave spiritual guidance. Others gave provision from afar, from other countries. I have to sidebar for a moment…God is awesome! I must give praise – He is bad! He sent folk to give provision FOR ME as far as Africa and Germany. Back to the thought process….

I have always understood the phrase listed above (In the sum total of all…) in the corners of my mind. However, as I woke this morning, the Lord really impressed that in my spirit. I awoke remembering pieces of one of the dreams of the night before and early morning of the day. I awoke with a young lady in my mind and spirit. She has been going through “life changes” as God has begun to shift situations around in her life; to accordingly place her humble before Him. Oftentimes we don’t realize that what we go through is not “about us” but where God is taking us. Often our tests and trials are for others; those who God intends for us to meet and mingle with…one watereth, one planteth, God gives the increase (I Cor. 3:5-17).

God is a God of seasons. It is the natural law and order of the Earth. So it is natural for our lives to reflect seasons. We are in a season of abundance in relation to our spiritual necessities. I have learned to view winter as closed, hard, trials come and we are often sluggish. Yet as spring approaches there is a change, a release, situations are dealt with head on as God uncovers them.

I base this upon the area that I live in. Your part of the country may be a bit different. Regardless of how the environment looks, shift into your spiritual abundant season and began to reach for the necessary components you need from God. I declare it so in Jesus name. Those things that have been stagnant and non-producing in your spirit and life; began to put those things aside as you prostrate yourself before the Almighty King! Cast all your cares, upon Him. He truly cares about you. (I Peter 5:1-11).

A prerequisite for casting our cares is a little thing called humility. God resists the proud, yet he is drawn to the humble. One can not maintain pride and lay prostrate at the same time. There must be an adjustment in our spirit. Yet it is as simple as asking God to help you humble yourself v. God humbling you. I learned a little lesson about that a few years ago. My prayer was God “Humble me”. Father help…I have since changed that prayer to reflect the following: “Lord, help me to humble myself before your Mighty hand”. Let me make the changes that you give me willingly, rather then you placing me in a position where there is possibly, pain, sickness or even death.

The shifting we are approaching is of spiritual abundance if you seek accordingly. As spring flowers bloom, so does our spiritual fruit; truth and righteousness (Ephesians 5:1-21). Understand that there is a process of release to your spirit. Some deliverance does not come by a mere stating of the fact or stating it is so. If it took you time to get entangled, it will take time to come out. Not to say some deliverance is immediate, but for many situations that have strongholds; there is a process. But we have a God…..mighty in battle, a great deliverer, He is a strong tower. I encourage you to speak to that situation. That situation(s) that you are tired of dealing with and want to be released. That habit that you can’t break. The issues that reside deep down in your spirit man, plague you and the ones that you know are not of God, but somehow you can’t seem to release. The enemy has sent a spirit of torment to harass you and you can’t seem to rest. We speak release even so right now in the name of Jesus! Just know there is someone who CARES and his name is Jesus! He died for your sins, He is faithful and just and still in the forgiving business!

My life has been forever changed seven years ago. Oh remnants of the situation are still around, but in spite of all I am grateful for my relationship with God. It has held me and kept me in proper position. Yet there are times I must remind people, just because you see the surface pieces, there is much more below that surface. Sometimes situations are more then what they seem. For often with that situation come all the components of drama and hell. Mind you unless you’re looking at the situation with a spiritual eye, you’re apt to look at the surface and only see the minor components. In spite of all…God still sits on the Throne and the lessons have been necessary. Regardless if folk care are not…my God does. I so encourage you today – CAST THOSE CARES – upon Him. Seek for your release. Seek to learn more about Him. More then anything, SEEK A RELATIONSHIP! Seek to HEAR HIS VOICE! Ask Him, Talk to Him, desire to know Him and He will meet you where you are.

My prayers are with you.

God Bless!

B

Sunday, April, 27, 2008
7:30 AM

It's a Matter of Respect

There are times I write for the sake of writing, for class or to bring a thought process to fruition. There are others times I feel led to write to deal with certain issues that I believe we face within today’s society. This is one of those times – writing to deal with a subject that has been brought to my attention. Mind you some folk may not think it is a dilemma and will not see the reasoning behind it; but is must be said, it must be written. Words are powerful and when brought to one’s attention, it is given to the spirit man, not to the physical ear and prayerfully a seed of truth will take root and grow to completion.

Respect is spoken of in so many languages and cultures and often means different things to different people/cultures. Certain behaviors deemed the norm in the Western culture would not necessarily apply to the Eastern Culture. Yet I want to keep it simple, today I would like to speak to women in regards to respect of themselves and others in regards to relationships. God created a powerful being in the form of woman. She has knowledge yet to learn, secrets she keeps – or should be keeping, ways to pull on a man without opening her mouth and more importantly she has a womb that brings forth physical life.

Women are creative, smart and possess an innate ability to know things. Secular society calls this women’s intuition, but God calls it being in tune with the spirit. What we don’t realize is we are more spirit then we are flesh. It is God’s desire for us to assist and be a help-meet to our husbands. He did not denote that we should be with just anyone or everyone. Ultimately we have a choice; God gives us “Presentations” and we choose. Prayerfully, we make the right choice and continue living out our lives with the understanding that we are fulfilling our destiny with our husbands as God has pre-ordained. I will not get into the philosophy of one man for one women and the other thought process of soul mates. This is not about that; this is about respect of our relationships and others once we have reached that goal.

Cleary there are very little boundaries left within the inner sanctum we call “the church”. God will always have His true “church”; but there is a sub-culture we call the church where the people of God are residing, and living out their lives. Often this life is lived in turmoil and in a constant downward spiral into depths of despair. This lack of understanding comes from many issues, some generational , some from lack of understanding, levels of deception and some from a deficiency of not understanding the requirements of what it takes to do right to live within boundaries.

Today I speak of boundaries in relationships. I have watched over the years, while people have flirted their way through relationships, marriages and divorces. Now that we have the internet, chatting, texting and other communication tools we learn that too often spiritual doors are opened from within the home life, often leading to disaster and an uprooting of the family itself. Other instances, it is brought about from outside the home. As women we need to learn to guard our families as well as keep our boundaries in place. Respect for another women’s home does not mean one has a right to try to intrude in friendship or relationship of that said home. Ladies, if a man is married and steps to you to with certain intentions and interest don’t feign like you don’t know and open that door. Shut it quick! Let’s be real, if a man is in search of something he is not getting at home, well guess what – that’s not your job to entertain him on that level and trust me it never leads to a clean relationship. Remember the scripture, “you reap what you sow”? Sometimes women have this theory, that the man will leave his wife and take up with you. Yet the question should be (in our inner spirit), “can I now trust him not to do what he did the first time around”? By the way this applies to women on the prowl too.

Too often we open doors for generations to come in our lifetime. Even young women are planting seeds of dissonance for future relationships. Girl if he’s with someone else, what makes you think if he steps to you, he won’t do the same thing with someone else a short time later? Respect is about boundaries and keeping it real. If he hasn’t cleared all the air in his previous relationship, then he is with you on the rebound; it doesn’t matter what smooth talk he’s laying down for you. Most relationships come with some type of baggage. Why take on more than what you can handle? Baggage is a spiritual component that needs to be left at the altar and dealt with properly. If you keep running through relationships maybe you need to do a time-out and take an inward look at yourself. Far too often there are levels of abuse, whether physical, emotional or verbal and men and women end up becoming co-dependents in the relationship because of one reason or another. Sweetie, being alone does not mean you are lame J it means you rather spend time dealing with you, understanding who you are and preparing for that special person when God deems it is time; if God deems it time. One of my favorite expressions is, “I rather be by myself than to deal with drama”, and I’ve had enough drama to last a lifetime.

Now if you’ve been dipping into the sexual end knowing it’s wrong; there are ways to get that right too. I teach my boys that if a young lady comes to you telling you it’s her first time and she normally doesn’t do that, then more than likely she’s lying to you. Honestly ladies, I dislike saying it, but we know overall it is the truth. Some of us have little respect for ourselves when it comes to the opposite sex. This is not about the men, this is about us. There are times when we are doing the chasing instead of letting him chase us. If he has your number and doesn’t call you then let it go. If he’s interested, he knows how to track you down. Can I share a secret? I grew up with a lot of male friends. Basically I hung with the guys and learned to think like them on certain levels. Let me tell you about most young men in regards to sexual relationships; most times they share information with their counterparts, or close female friends. I was given much more information then I asked for in my early years which I will keep until I go to my grave. But the point is if you’re an easy mark, then you are a “known” easy mark among his friends. You must wake up and tell yourself, “you are NOT a booty call”. If you are in this state, you must make a decision to pull yourself together and turn your life around. With this understanding know that there is a process to clean your spirit out and shut every unclean door. Have faith, believe and ask God to help, it can be done.

In our spirits we know if something is not right – our conscious. However, we must learn to listen to our inward Godly spirit and not our flesh. There will always be a war of flesh against spirit, but Christ tells us we are victorious through Him. Ladies, let’s make a conscious effort to be effective in change. Change our thought process – someone else’s man is off limits. That’s not a way to get “yours”. Let’s be different and become Women of God who carry themselves with integrity and understanding that we are powerful when we walk in the spirit that God intended for us. We are motivators; we can be disciplined and live by the law of conduct that Christ laid down for us. We will hold to our values and respect ourselves and the relationships around us.

I am praying for you.

Peace and blessings

B

February 25, 2009