There are times I write for the sake of writing, for class or to bring a thought process to fruition. There are others times I feel led to write to deal with certain issues that I believe we face within today’s society. This is one of those times – writing to deal with a subject that has been brought to my attention. Mind you some folk may not think it is a dilemma and will not see the reasoning behind it; but is must be said, it must be written. Words are powerful and when brought to one’s attention, it is given to the spirit man, not to the physical ear and prayerfully a seed of truth will take root and grow to completion.
Respect is spoken of in so many languages and cultures and often means different things to different people/cultures. Certain behaviors deemed the norm in the Western culture would not necessarily apply to the Eastern Culture. Yet I want to keep it simple, today I would like to speak to women in regards to respect of themselves and others in regards to relationships. God created a powerful being in the form of woman. She has knowledge yet to learn, secrets she keeps – or should be keeping, ways to pull on a man without opening her mouth and more importantly she has a womb that brings forth physical life.
Women are creative, smart and possess an innate ability to know things. Secular society calls this women’s intuition, but God calls it being in tune with the spirit. What we don’t realize is we are more spirit then we are flesh. It is God’s desire for us to assist and be a help-meet to our husbands. He did not denote that we should be with just anyone or everyone. Ultimately we have a choice; God gives us “Presentations” and we choose. Prayerfully, we make the right choice and continue living out our lives with the understanding that we are fulfilling our destiny with our husbands as God has pre-ordained. I will not get into the philosophy of one man for one women and the other thought process of soul mates. This is not about that; this is about respect of our relationships and others once we have reached that goal.
Cleary there are very little boundaries left within the inner sanctum we call “the church”. God will always have His true “church”; but there is a sub-culture we call the church where the people of God are residing, and living out their lives. Often this life is lived in turmoil and in a constant downward spiral into depths of despair. This lack of understanding comes from many issues, some generational , some from lack of understanding, levels of deception and some from a deficiency of not understanding the requirements of what it takes to do right to live within boundaries.
Today I speak of boundaries in relationships. I have watched over the years, while people have flirted their way through relationships, marriages and divorces. Now that we have the internet, chatting, texting and other communication tools we learn that too often spiritual doors are opened from within the home life, often leading to disaster and an uprooting of the family itself. Other instances, it is brought about from outside the home. As women we need to learn to guard our families as well as keep our boundaries in place. Respect for another women’s home does not mean one has a right to try to intrude in friendship or relationship of that said home. Ladies, if a man is married and steps to you to with certain intentions and interest don’t feign like you don’t know and open that door. Shut it quick! Let’s be real, if a man is in search of something he is not getting at home, well guess what – that’s not your job to entertain him on that level and trust me it never leads to a clean relationship. Remember the scripture, “you reap what you sow”? Sometimes women have this theory, that the man will leave his wife and take up with you. Yet the question should be (in our inner spirit), “can I now trust him not to do what he did the first time around”? By the way this applies to women on the prowl too.
Too often we open doors for generations to come in our lifetime. Even young women are planting seeds of dissonance for future relationships. Girl if he’s with someone else, what makes you think if he steps to you, he won’t do the same thing with someone else a short time later? Respect is about boundaries and keeping it real. If he hasn’t cleared all the air in his previous relationship, then he is with you on the rebound; it doesn’t matter what smooth talk he’s laying down for you. Most relationships come with some type of baggage. Why take on more than what you can handle? Baggage is a spiritual component that needs to be left at the altar and dealt with properly. If you keep running through relationships maybe you need to do a time-out and take an inward look at yourself. Far too often there are levels of abuse, whether physical, emotional or verbal and men and women end up becoming co-dependents in the relationship because of one reason or another. Sweetie, being alone does not mean you are lame J it means you rather spend time dealing with you, understanding who you are and preparing for that special person when God deems it is time; if God deems it time. One of my favorite expressions is, “I rather be by myself than to deal with drama”, and I’ve had enough drama to last a lifetime.
Now if you’ve been dipping into the sexual end knowing it’s wrong; there are ways to get that right too. I teach my boys that if a young lady comes to you telling you it’s her first time and she normally doesn’t do that, then more than likely she’s lying to you. Honestly ladies, I dislike saying it, but we know overall it is the truth. Some of us have little respect for ourselves when it comes to the opposite sex. This is not about the men, this is about us. There are times when we are doing the chasing instead of letting him chase us. If he has your number and doesn’t call you then let it go. If he’s interested, he knows how to track you down. Can I share a secret? I grew up with a lot of male friends. Basically I hung with the guys and learned to think like them on certain levels. Let me tell you about most young men in regards to sexual relationships; most times they share information with their counterparts, or close female friends. I was given much more information then I asked for in my early years which I will keep until I go to my grave. But the point is if you’re an easy mark, then you are a “known” easy mark among his friends. You must wake up and tell yourself, “you are NOT a booty call”. If you are in this state, you must make a decision to pull yourself together and turn your life around. With this understanding know that there is a process to clean your spirit out and shut every unclean door. Have faith, believe and ask God to help, it can be done.
In our spirits we know if something is not right – our conscious. However, we must learn to listen to our inward Godly spirit and not our flesh. There will always be a war of flesh against spirit, but Christ tells us we are victorious through Him. Ladies, let’s make a conscious effort to be effective in change. Change our thought process – someone else’s man is off limits. That’s not a way to get “yours”. Let’s be different and become Women of God who carry themselves with integrity and understanding that we are powerful when we walk in the spirit that God intended for us. We are motivators; we can be disciplined and live by the law of conduct that Christ laid down for us. We will hold to our values and respect ourselves and the relationships around us.
I am praying for you.
Peace and blessings
B
February 25, 2009
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